More from the financial planner who lost his house

Here are some excerpts from the financial planner who lost his house:.

Here are a few of those lessons and answers to some of the questions that readers raised:

We are good at ignoring information that we don’t want to hear. Have you ever noticed how you avoid the scale when you’ve been eating garbage and seek it out when you are eating well? I have wondered if I rationalized my behavior, and the answer is, of course I did. I made mistakes and then looked for a way to make sense of them.

Short sales: A short sale is a negotiated settlement between a borrower and a lender. I worked closely with the bank to explain my situation. The bank reviewed it very carefully, and in the end, we worked something out that both parties felt was better than the other available options.

Obligation to society: While I don’t have a debt to the bank, I do feel like I have an obligation to society. This is one part of the experience that I still really struggle with. I know that my decisions had an impact on society as a whole. My individual impact was small, but just like everyone tossing a small piece of trash, it adds up. I’m not sure how I will fulfill that obligation, but I’m pretty sure that it’s part of my life’s work.

Why I told the story: There’s no good way to address the claim that I wrote the story to sell books. It reminded me of the press conference after Lance Armstrong won his first Tour de France. He was asked how he would respond to people who claimed that his chemotherapy was performance enhancing. As I recall, he said something like, “Let them try it!”

I decided to tell the story after people I knew asked me for over a year to tell it. These were people who genuinely felt that it needed to be told because it might help others make sense of their situation. Based on the overwhelming number of gracious e-mails I’ve received from people sharing their stories, I think telling my own was the right thing to do.

When you think about what money represents, it’s easy to see that it’s emotionally charged. Money is about more than spreadsheets. It’s about our most cherished dreams and often our greatest fears. With those stakes on the line, why is it so hard for us to recognize that we shouldn’t be “operating” on ourselves?

Moving forward: No matter what we do, the reality is we all make mistakes. When we make these mistakes, it seems like we should face the consequences, glean the lesson and then move on. We all have a choice. We can wallow in self-pity, blame others and complain, or we can move forward. I’m not sure what role talking about it plays in moving on, but I do know that hiding from the past never seems to help.

One of the things I did learn from my experience is that until you walk in someone else’s shoes it’s impossible to understand what they’re going through and the motives for their actions. I have found myself a bit kinder, a little slower to judge and maybe even looking for ways to give others the benefit of the doubt.

I had zero expectations that sharing my story would change anyone’s mind about what I did. I did hope that it would help people struggling under the crushing weight of financial mistakes. I also had a teeny, tiny hope that those people who vehemently disagree with me would maybe see the other side of the story and understand.

Not agree, just understand.

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